Toast To Your Health

I absolutely love being able to pull a fun toast out of my repertoire when gathered with friends. Up until recently, my most famous and most impressive memorized toast was:

Lines on Ale
by Edgar Allan Poe (circa 1848)

Fill with mingled cream and amber
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain —
Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away;
What care I how time advances?
For I am drinking ale today!

After many years of chanting this fantastic poem/toast I finally decided to take the plunge and create a toast of my own. Commandeering my cousin, Chuck Colby, I drafted the toast and then asked for his input. Together we honed the rough draft and created a masterpiece… Well, maybe not a masterpiece, but I sure do enjoy giving this toast.

Before you watch my toast (on YouTube), understand that I wanted it to be over zealous and funny… So, I always put on my best (sarcastic) southern drawl and odious overacting before giving this one. Also, the deep breaths are there on purpose, and meant to add to the dramatic effect. Without further ado, I present, my ebullient and/or exuberant toast; which I affectionately named: To Your Health – Southern Style.

Just in case you’d like to practice this fun toast, here it is written out:

To Your Health
Southern Style

by Vaughn Ripley

*clears throat*

Presently… At this time… I do believe. It’s high-time to propose a toast. As we gather here, in this luxurious bar, drinking our ales and cocktails, peering into each other’s eyes and hence deep into our very souls.

*draws a deep breath*

Building upon our friendships, and creating everlasting relationships… In your name and in your honor, Indubitably I salute thee, Mr. high-and-mighty grandpooba of upper buttcrack. Those whom the Flying Spaghetti Monster hath joined together, let no man put asunder.

*draws a deep breath*

I shall drain my glass hitherto and forthwith. Hear here! And so on and so forth

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To your health!

*pause for effect*


Let me know in the comment section what you thought of my toast! And, do you have a toast of your own?? Share it, please!

I hope you guys enjoyed this post as much as I loved writing it. And, hopefully I inspired you to come up with a toast of your own!!!


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About Vaughn Ripley

Vaughn is a happily married daddy, author, and CIO. He is an HIV+ hemophiliac, and is one of the longest surviving HIV+ people in the universe.
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  1. Great toast . . . and if you or your reader’s wish, they may use, free and clear, the time-honored St. Patrick’s Day Toast of the Mac an Fhailigh clan (changed to McNally in modern times, as Gaelic has fallen away from us). It is to be given by the oldest member of the clan, present. All should charge their glasses, hold them aloft, and the person giving the toast should call for quiet. As the room hushes, and with the utmost solemnity and ceremony, the person giving the toast should tell thos gathered that it is an ancient toast, given every St. Patrick’s Day, and is a deeply held sentiment that has lived in the heart of every Irish man, woman, and child, around the world, and for centuries. In a loud and clear voice, the toaster should pronounce the eternal words: “Up the English!”